One Cage at a Time

Never On Tuesday #050

In 1989 Cary Elwes, Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson and Nicolas Cage were already bonified leading man Hollywood stars, so how in the name of God were they convinced to show up as bit characters in a horribly written cheesy as all hell 80’s “comedy” that feels like it was written by a horny 13 year old on acid? We’ll do our best to figure that out as we suffer through 90 minutes of wall to wall torture momentarily broken up by possibly Nicolas Cage’s most wacky over the top character of all time: Never On Tuesday

Two doofuses slam into the only other car on a deserted highway on their way to California then ogle a smoking hot lesbian for the duration of the film while major Hollywood stars show up randomly to deliver the worst performances of their careers. They should have just called this “hey, you know how like women are hot? THE MOVIE”.

Never On Tuesday stars a guy who grew up to look like he has to go door to door to explain that he touched an 8 year old once but it was a huge misunderstanding and eventually found his calling as the director of Friday Night Lights Peter Berg, a bit part actor who is probably best known as “satellite technician” in Iron Man 3 Andy Lauer, the poor women who has to spend the entirety of this film dodging the advances of the creepiest batch of assholes ever assembled in one film who is best known as Susan Ivanova on Babylon 5 Claudia Christian, AND for some inexplicable reason features cameos from Cary Elwes, Gilbert Gottfried, Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson and of course the only reason we’re watching this piece of crap Academy Award winning actor and weirdest Ferrari owner on Earth Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage - #049

You’d think if you were given Nicolas Cage, Tom Sizemore, Thomas Jane and one of the most fascinating tales to come from easily the most memorable war in history it would make for one hell of a movie and an absolute slam dunk at the box office. You’d think. Instead, we got a boring, pandering mess with some of the worst CGI since Sharknado, a critical and box office bomb that sunk the careers of everyone involved. With that in mind let’s all take some sea sickness pills, clutch your dismembered body parts tight and try not to kill yourselves till the end as we do our best to survive USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage

As much as we wish we could just play Quint’s speech from Jaws here since it is a masterfully delivered synopsis of our story, it is far too powerful and captivating to accurately describe what happens in this movie. Instead we’ll keep it brief, unlike this unnecessarily long film, and say the USS Indianapolis is sent on a top secret mission to deliver parts for the atomic bomb but on their way home are sunk by a Japanese submarine and left to be feasted on by sharks for the next five days that seem to go on in real time as we all slowly die with them.

USS Indianapolis: Men of Spirits of Courage New Orleans stars Nic’s Bringing Out the Dead co-star who really hops off the screen in this one: Tom Sizemore, the OG Punisher himself Thomas Jane, a character actor with over 40 years in the biz who is probably still best known as Ajax from the Warriors James Remar, a whole host of promising young actors whose careers were catastrophically destroyed by this film, and of course, the captain of this steaming pile of ship (get it) an Academy Award winning actor who should be court martialed for making us sit through this film Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

Sonny - #048

In the late 80’s, Nicolas Cage was sent a script about a male gigolo which he immediately fell in love with but sadly the script sat on the shelf for the next 15 years since no director wanted to touch it until Nic, at the height of his stardom, said, ‘you know what, screw it, why don’t I direct it myself’. So, grab yourself some protection as we take a long meandering look at the rarely explored world of male prostitution that only Nicolas Cage had the balls to direct: Sonny

After returning home from the Army to early 80’s New Orleans, Sonny Philips tries to leave a life of male prostitution behind but after he can’t find a job he slowly returns to the seedy world he swore to leave behind thanks to his brothel owning mom and prostitute girlfriend.

Sonny stars legendary character actor and Nic’s Wild at Heart co-star Harry Dean Stanton, American Pie, American Beauty and American Virgin star Mena Suvari (don’t ask us why she was in 4 movies that started with American in three years), two time Academy Award nominated English actress and world’s greatest mom Brenda Blethyn, another incredible character actor with over 220 credits to his name Seymour Cassel, and of course the director of this film and most colorful pimp on either side of the Mississippi Academy Award winning actor Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

Red Rock West - #047

One of our favorite things about doing this show is that we get to talk about the incredible hidden gems of Nicolas Cage’s career that most audiences have never heard of and there’s possibly no better example of that than a small budget indie post-western neo-noir film from 1993 that, despite being Nic’s highest rated film on Rotten Tomatoes, has been largely forgotten. So hop in the car, light a cigarette and ride along with us as we examine the little masterpiece that is Red Rock West.

A down on his luck ex-marine goes in search of work in the Podunk town of Red Rock, Wyoming only to be mistaken as a hitman sent to kill a man’s wife. What follows is a tale of desperation, betrayal, sex and of course murder.

Red Rock West stars one of the greatest actors ever to live and an absolute treat anytime he’s on screen Dennis Hopper, Twin Peaks star and bombshell Lara Flynn Boyle, legendary country singer Dwight Yoakam, an amazing character actor who seemed to show up in everything during the 80’s and 90’s JT Walsh, and of course, a man who knows how to get himself into sticky situations Academy Award winning actor Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

Peggy Sue Got Married - #046

Francis Ford Coppola was already a legend in 1986 having made a slew of cinematic masterpieces like Apocalypse Now and the first two Godfather films so it’s not a shock that he was slightly pissed when he cast his nephew Nic in one of his films and he rewarded one of the most celebrated Director’s ever to live by turning his character into a live action cartoon character. Come along as we give all our love and kisses to the final collaboration Nicolas Cage and his uncle made together: Peggy Sue Got Married.

Peggy Sue Bodell and her cheating husband “Crazy Charlie” are on the verge of divorce but when Peggy Sue attends her 25 year anniversary she is somehow transported back to high school where she gets a second chance to see if she’d fall in love with that big toothed goofy voiced weirdo all over again.

Peggy Sue Got Married stars legendary Jewel of the Nile actress and 80’s sex symbol Kathleen Turner who was nominated for an Academy Award for this film, a pre-Ace Ventura/super stardom Jim Carrey, 7th Heaven star Catherine Hicks, Academy Award winning actress Helen Hunt, Sean Archer’s wife from Face/Off Joan Allen and of course, Academy Award winning actor and undisputed Prom King Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

Adaptation - #045

The last time Nicolas Cage played a struggling screenwriter it netted him Oscar gold, 7 years later he teamed up with one of the greatest writers working today and ended up with his second nomination while playing dual roles. That’s right, Nic plays twins in this film and is absolutely brilliant as both parts. Join us as we breakdown the incredibly hilarious and heartbreaking meta masterpiece that is Adaptation.

Charlie Kaufman is an overwhelmed Hollywood screenwriter tasked with writing a film adaptation of a book with hardly any plot or an ending while dealing with sexual frustration, self-loathing and a freeloading twin brother whose own aspirations of screenwriting lead the two of them on an adventure that ultimately leads to deceit, drugs and murder.

Adaptation stars arguably the greatest actress of all time 21-time Oscar Nominee (that’s right I said TWENTY-ONE) including a nomination for best supporting actress in this film Meryl Streep, a man who crushes it every time he’s cast in a role and the only star to walk away from this film with Oscar gold Chris Cooper, a guy who doesn’t need you to remind him about the cover letter on his TPS reports Ron Livingston, an Oscar winning actress who disappears into every role she’s given Tilda Swinton, legendary Emmy winning actor who is currently crushing it on HBO’s Succession Brian Cox, Oscar nominated actress that even the Joker finds beautiful Maggie Gyllenhaal, Oscar winner and second best screen writer alive Nicolas Cage and of course, Academy Award winning actor and God’s gift to cinema Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

Christmas Carol: The Movie - #044

What happens when you take a classic story from 1843 everyone has already heard a thousand times, pay a warehouse full of animators to painstakingly hand draw the animation in the era of Pixar box office dominance and toss two obnoxious mice doing their best Mr. Bean impression over half of the film? A critical and box office failure that would all but be forgotten if it wasn’t for Kate Winslet flirting with pop music stardom and Nicolas Cage showing up for two minutes to do his best impression of a British ghost with an American accent. So, join us as we breakdown a movie you’ve probably never seen nor heard of and if you have probably don’t remember: 2001’s Christmas Carol: The Movie

Do we really need to tell you the synopsis? It’s A Christmas Carol but mildly different than usual. This time around Ebenezer Scrooge is even more wooden and boring than usual but slightly younger and is given a second chance to be with the love of his life after being visited by three ghosts in the night who show him his past, how he affects the people in his present and what his life will become if he doesn’t change his ways….for the six thousandth time…

Christmas Carol: The Movie stars SEVEN time Academy Award nominated actress Kate Winslet who sang the song “What If” for this film which seems to be the only thing anyone remembers from it, two-time BAFTA nominated actor who will sadly always be remembered as the bad guy from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (at least to me) Simon Callow, Dumbledore himself (the second one everyone hated, not the first one that died) legendary Irish-English theater and film actor Sir Michael Gambon, and of course the only non-British actor in the cast who never even tries to do an accent despite having like 12 lines, Academy Award winning actor and the ghostest with the mostest Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

Renfield -#043

As a boy, Nicolas Cage grew up watching Nosferatu, Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and of course the original Dracula with his dad Augustus so being able to play the dark lord on screen had always been a lifelong dream. In 2023, after 40 years in film, Nic was finally able to sink his teeth into the role he was born to play and absolutely knocked it out of the park.

So come along with us as we breakdown the mother of all toxic relationships between Dracula and of course his familiar: Renfield Dracula’s servant Renfield tries to break free of his masters torment after over a century of being his familiar but the dark lord doesn’t take kindly to being told no so Renfield must lean on his support group to grow a spine and stand up to his old boss before he can take over the world.

Renfield stars an actor who is the WOOOOOORST gang member ever Ben Schwartz, Shang-Chi’s best bud actress, rapper and comedian Nora Lum AKA Awkwafina, a woman who is one pack of cigarettes away from being Jigsaw Iranian/American actress Shohreh Aghdashloo, Nic’s Weather man co-star who has since gone on to be an Emmy and Golden Globe nominee as well as a BAFTA winner Nicolas Hoult and of course, the man who taught Nicolas Hoult everything there is to know about eating bugs on screen, Academy Award winning actor and prince of darkness himself Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

National Treasure Book of Secrets - #042

In Hollywood you’d better believe if you make $350 million on a vaguely original idea you’re getting a sequel, so it’s no shock that Disney brought back the team from 2004’s National Treasure in 2007 for another history inspired treasure hunting adventure. Unfortunately, as is often the case with sequels, the follow up basically copy and pasted the script from the first movie, changed a few locations, slapped on a new coat a paint and called it good since who wants to mess with a great formula. And it absolutely worked, leading to the highest grossing film of Nicolas Cage’s career at that point. So join us as we breakdown the cookie cutter sequel to National Treasure: National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

Benjamin Franklin Gates, Riley Poole and Abigail Chase must clear the Gates family name after a mysterious man shows up with a 140 year old page to a diary that seems to confirm the Gates family were co-conspirators in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, BUT since this is a National Treasure film, the quest to find out the truth reveals clues that lead to a hidden treasure the likes of which the world has never seen…except for that one treasure these same people discovered three years prior…

National Treasure: Book of Secrets stars Angelina Jolie’s estranged dad; the Academy Award winning actor who as of late has become a certified nut job Jon Voight, winner of both the British and American triple crown of acting with an EGOT in her sights Dame Helen Mirren, a man who is incapable of delivering a bad performance Harvey Keitel, that guy who is only known for being a McGuffin in the Hangover movies and for playing Riley Poole Justin Bartha, Bridget Von Hammersmark herself from Inglorious Bastards; German American actress Diane Kruger and of course, the real National Treasure, Academy Award winning actor and greatest treasure hunter of all time Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.

Mom and Dad - #041

Ghost Rider 2 broke Nicolas Cage’s spirit and sent him on a path to reignite the spark he had before breaking into big budget action blockbusters so it makes perfect sense that one of the main people responsible for Spirit of Vengeance would help Nic start his late career renaissance that would eventually lead him back to the mainstream. So join us as we breakdown Nic’s 2017 return to the horror genre: Mom and Dad.

A mysterious illness infects parents around the world switching their hardwired paternal instincts to protect their children into violent murderous rage that makes them obsessed with killing their own children.

Mom and Dad stars horror movie staple and Liz Sherman from the original Hellboy run Selma Blair, 13 Reason Why and The Orville actress Anne Winters, star of the new Child’s Play TV series “Chucky” Zackary Arthur, horror and action legend Lance Henriksen, and of course, a man who knows his way around a Sawzall, Academy Award winning actor Nicolas Kim Coppola better known as Nicolas Cage.